hope i dont come off as very nitpicky and excuse me if im wrong but i believe this is not a visual novel? it is a interactive story/fiction but there is nothing visual, there are no images and such that would make it a visual novel
Besides that, here are some feedbacks/comments from me
(some writting errors)
"That's it? That's your name? You're not on Earth anymore, you know you can think of something better if you want, right?! Whatever, it's fine. Let's go (name), we've got a big job to do!"
"So how was(or is/how's? I'm so bad at present and past tenses lol) Trixie, did she scare you?" they laugh,
------------
Nice job on finishing your first game! The story is nice for a first timer but i am kinda disappointed over how short it is. I wish you could get to know the characters and explore the world more. i feel it ended quite rushed and abruptly, for me a good short story would leave me with some type of emotion/feeling or/and attachment but this is pretty simple. Not much to say... it's like "oh, so that just happened". I didnt get enough time to immerse myself into the story and the world before studdenly finding myself in some type of battle raid for an artifact?? The characters definitely had potentials, i really found Zeta an interesting character but you never got to know them better and appeared whenever as if they were just a minor character. I like the light and small comedic parts of the story and i didnt expect that twist in the end. The game/story has lots of potentials but for now, it is a bit lacking in my opinion. Though it is your first game afterall and i applaud you for finishing your first game!
I hope this doesnt discourage you or offends you, rather i hope it could be useful...? I've offended people in the past for my 'feedbacks'/criticisms so i usually kinda avoid giving feedbacks altogether but since you mentioned that you were fine with that, i hope it wasnt too harsh;;
Thank you for the feedback. It really means a lot! The big reason it's so short is because this was a project for a digital narrative class, and I found that I could keep going, but for the sake of my deadline, I had to stop. I did extend this a bit more from the original version, but I may also rewrite it in the future since this was my first time really getting a feel for Twine. Again, thank you so much for the feedback and criticism, I totally see your points, and it means a lot that you took the time to share them with me!
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Such a nice path where multiple of my allies survive instead of just one. :)
Thanks for the game!
That has to be my favorite ending, it was so fun to write. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
hope i dont come off as very nitpicky and excuse me if im wrong but i believe this is not a visual novel? it is a interactive story/fiction but there is nothing visual, there are no images and such that would make it a visual novel
Besides that, here are some feedbacks/comments from me
(some writting errors)
"That's it? That's your name? You're not on Earth anymore, you know you can think of something better if you want, right?! Whatever, it's fine. Let's go (name), we've got a big job to do!"
"So how was (or is/how's? I'm so bad at present and past tenses lol) Trixie, did she scare you?" they laugh,
------------
Nice job on finishing your first game! The story is nice for a first timer but i am kinda disappointed over how short it is. I wish you could get to know the characters and explore the world more. i feel it ended quite rushed and abruptly, for me a good short story would leave me with some type of emotion/feeling or/and attachment but this is pretty simple. Not much to say... it's like "oh, so that just happened". I didnt get enough time to immerse myself into the story and the world before studdenly finding myself in some type of battle raid for an artifact?? The characters definitely had potentials, i really found Zeta an interesting character but you never got to know them better and appeared whenever as if they were just a minor character. I like the light and small comedic parts of the story and i didnt expect that twist in the end. The game/story has lots of potentials but for now, it is a bit lacking in my opinion. Though it is your first game afterall and i applaud you for finishing your first game!
I hope this doesnt discourage you or offends you, rather i hope it could be useful...? I've offended people in the past for my 'feedbacks'/criticisms so i usually kinda avoid giving feedbacks altogether but since you mentioned that you were fine with that, i hope it wasnt too harsh;;
Thank you for the feedback. It really means a lot! The big reason it's so short is because this was a project for a digital narrative class, and I found that I could keep going, but for the sake of my deadline, I had to stop. I did extend this a bit more from the original version, but I may also rewrite it in the future since this was my first time really getting a feel for Twine. Again, thank you so much for the feedback and criticism, I totally see your points, and it means a lot that you took the time to share them with me!
that was awesome i could see myself there keep it up!
Aw, I'm smiling so much rn thank you for making my day!!!
no problem!